SEASON 02 / EPISODE 02
You Could Drive a Person Crazy (02. 주도권 전쟁)
PREVIEW
Susan does not know where she stands with her undefined relationship with Mike, but things get complicated when she wakes up one morning to find that her ex-husband, Karl, had a sleepover with Edie Britt. Phyllis freely expresses her grief to anyone within range, totally upstaging a very annoyed Bree. George Williams returns wanting to re-start his relationship with Bree. Carlos is being exploited in prison and needs Gabrielle's help. Lynette, unsatisfied with Tom's approach to stay-at-home parenting.
수잔은 마이크와의 정의되지 않은 관계에 대해 자신이 어떤 입장에 서 있는지 모르지만, 어느 날 아침 그녀의 전 남편 칼이 에디 브릿과 하룻밤을 잔 것을 알게 되면서 상황이 복잡해진다. 필리스는 범위 내에 있는 모든 사람에게 자유롭게 슬픔을 표현하고, 브리를 매우 짜증나게 한다. 조지 윌리엄스는 브리와의 관계를 다시 시작하고 싶어한다. 카를로스는 감옥에서 착취당하고 있고 가브리엘의 도움을 필요로 한다. 리넷은 집에서 육아를 하는 톰의 방식에 만족하지 못한다.
OPENING
Previously on "desperate housewives"
Why on earth would you let them finger paint before breakfast?
It's my job to clean that up now, so it's my call
Some households reversed roles
Let's give this another shot
Some old flames ...
You want me back? -
Yeah
...Were put out
It has to be something you're ingesting. Who prepares your meals? I understand you've been having some marital problems.
And while some learn to forgive
Deirdre got pregnant before I went to jail
Zach is your son, isn't he?
Yep
Others could not bring themselves to forget their past
The remarkable thing about danny farrell was that he had only been a paperboy for six months and in that time, he had become the enemy of every woman on wisteria lane. If there was a puddle on someone's property, he found it
If a new rosebush had just been planted, he destroyed it
If a cat was enjoying a moment in the sun, he ended it
People wondered if danny would ever change
They should have talked to susan mayer
She could have told them obnoxious boys tend to become obnoxious men, just like the one she had been married to
Hey! Carl, I see you Just stop right there
Hey, susie Q.
What are you doing?
I'm just gettin' the paper
That's edie's paper and this is edie's house
Do we have to do this now? I haven't had my coffee yet
Did you spend the night with edie? Oh, my god
Susie, just calm down
You are forbidden from ever seeing her again. Do you hear me? Forbidden!
We're divorced You can't tell me who I can date
I live on this street Your daughter lives on this street I will not have you flaunting your sexcapades in front of us -
Sexcapades? -
Forbidden
I would love to continue this but it's time for breakfast and edie is making me a frittata
Oh! Well, I just bet she is
Mrs. Mayer, I gotta talk to you
Oh, now is not a good time, danny
You're a month behind in your payments
I'll take care of it, I promise
My dad says if you read something and don't pay for it that's the same as stealing Hi, ida Can we talk about this later? I just found out my ex is dating my neighbor and I'm really ticked off
Save it! I provide you a service and I deserve to be paid for that service
Yes, the women of wisteria lane believe danny farrell to be the enemy
Deadbeat!
They also believed the enemy of my enemy is my friend
MAIN SCRIPT
Beautiful lawns spacious homes happy families these are the hallmarks of suburbia but if you look beneath the veneer of gracious living, you will see a battle raging a battle for control
You see the combatants everywhere engaged in their routine skirmishes
Fighting fiercely to have dominion over the world around them
All the while knowing it's a battle they will lose
Oh, hey, honey, just stick that anywhere I'll take care of it
Wow, It's really pilin' up
Oh, don't worry I have a system
Really?
Yeah, every two days, I clean
Two days
Yeah, I let the mess accumulate for two days and then I clean until it's sparkling and then the cycle starts all over again
And why have I never seen the sparkling part?
Well, because by the time you get home from work the boys have messed everything up again
See? That's what I would call a flaw in the system
What are you doin'?
I think I'm asking you to clean the house
Really? 'Cause it sounds to me like you're criticizing me
No No,no,no,no. No
I'm not saying it has to be sparkling
How many times did I come home to a mess and I never said a word?
Please, don't take this the wrong way I think you are doing a terrific job but let's be clear When you came home, it was to clutter I mean, come on, this is more than that
Look at him, just chatting away So inconsiderate
Phyllis, we've only been waiting here for two minutes
I told you when we left the house that I needed to eat I have low blood sugar Do you wanna see me keel over?
No in theory
Here you are Thank you By the way mrs. Van de kamp I heard about your husband's passing I'm so sorry. Dr. Van de kamp was one of my favorite customers, truly
That's very sweet of you Thank you
I'm not just being polite Mrs. Van de kamp How are you feeling?
Well,mr. Pashmutti
We're holding up as best we can under the circumstances
I'm sorry This is rex's mother, phyllis
I'm so sorry about your son
Thank you. You know the hardest thing is to lose a child
I can't even imagine
Come on, phyllis Let's get you something to eat
We had no warning I was doing dishes when I got the call
Really?
Phyllis, there are people waiting, so come on
Excuse me. I--I'm so sorry but my son just passed away
Oh, I'm so sorry
Thank you. I mean I was telling Mr. Pashmutti here my life is--is over my life is over
This is ridiculous you know that?
Pen
Don't you think I have better things to do than to bring you checks every day checks that I could be signing at home?
This one's dry
You know, taking away my access to our account, that's just vindictive
Thank you
Do you know how long it takes me to schlep out hereto this hellhole?
Exactly. It's the only way I can guarantee you'll come and visit me
That's ridiculous. You're my husband. I love you Obviously, I would come visit
I thought it was obvious that when you love someone you wouldn't have an affair I was wrong, wasn't I?
I'm getting really tired of this song, carlos Isn't it about time you forgave me? You want my forgiveness, you got it. My trust that you're gonna have to earn
Be careful, carlos Up until now I've been really lonely in that big bed of ours but when you're rude to me it makes me wanna be not so lonely
Comments like that are exactly why you'll never again have access to my money Why are all rich men jerks?
The same reason all beautiful women are bitches
So same time tomorrow?
Sure, baby
What do you mean, you know?
I mean, I know
What are you saying that your father actually told you he was gonna be having a one night stand with edie britt?
Uh, mom, this wasn't a one night stand He's been going out with Mrs. Britt for a few months now
What? How could you not tell me that? We share everything That's what we're known for That's our thing
Because I knew you'd wig out Besides, haven't you always told me to respect people's privacy?
Oh, I've never applied that concept to your father's sex life and you know it
Are you done?
No! I have not even begun ripping into edie britt yet Oh, that peroxide vulture I just know as sure as I am standing here that she went after your father just to tick me off -
Wrong again -
What?
He asked her out
You lie
It's true. He called her for a date six months ago the day after my birthday party The one at the piano bar?
Yeah What is it?
Oh, your father just came over that day and told me some stuff You know, some stuff that I haven't and can't tell you
Wait. Whatever happened to "we share everything"? Isn't that our thing what we're known for?
Um, actually, I think what we're known for is sharing clothes Yeah. I think that's our thing
Why does he keep doin' that?
He knows it's annoying He's just trying to get to us
Yeah, well, it's working
Knock it off, down there do you hear what I'm saying?
Matthew. Matthew! Sit down
You know we don't talk to him That's part of his punishment
How can you just sit here hour after hour and listen to that?
Well, that's part of mine
Carlos, what is this big emergency? I had to cancel my hair appointment with Eduardo today
Baby, what is it?
I'm completely freaked out
Why?
There's this guy, his name's richie and he's been saying some stuff to me and I'm gettin' worried
Honey, you and your macho pride Just tell him you're flattered but you don't swing that way
He's not hitting on me you idiot, he's threatening me
Really? How?
He said he's gonna beat me up unless I come up with some money
Well, how much money?
$7,000 -
$7,000? -
Keep your voice down
Why would he think you have that kind of money?
Because yesterday in a visiting room filled with criminals my wife referred to meas a rich man
Oh, right. Sorry
That's why I needed you to bring the checkbook
He's actually willing to take a check?
No You're gonna take the money to his girlfriend and if she doesn't get it by tomorrow, I'm screwed
Honey, I think this is a mistake If we give in to extortion the guy's just gonna keep coming back for more money
What choice do I have?
You're a strong guy. You went to college on an athletic scholarship, for god sakes Yeah, it was for golf
Oh
You have all my pants
Yeah, I know. Come on in
I, uh, thought when I took my stuff back to my house I got everything
Oh, it's fine. They're in the garage So how have you been doing?
Good. Um I'm, uh, good. I got a question for ya
Sure,what is it? -
Where are we now? -
Where are we?
Yeah. We're not moving in together and we're not broken up, so where are we?
I don't know Since the guy who held me hostage turned out to be your son I think logic dictates that I should move on.
The problem is I'm crazy about you
So...
So I'm thinking we should keep it casual
Casual What the hell does that mean, exactly, um, casual?
Well, I-I don't--I don't think there's anything wrong with us seeing a movie once in awhile
A movie. Okay. Is that it?
Jogging? There's no law against jogging.
Anything else?
Shopping. That's casual. That's fun
Anything else we can do? Anything at all?
Brunch Brunch would be nice
Sounds good to me
All I can do is take it one day at a time. yes Oh, okay. Well thanks so much for calling.
Who was that?
Oh, someone named alan hanley
My electrician? Why were you on the phone sobbing to my electrician?
Oh, he called to offer you his condolences
Then why didn't you put me on?
Oh, well, we got to talking and then he had to go He--he had some very beautiful things to say about rex
For god sakes, phyllis don't you ever worry about dehydration?
Are you saying that I am too emotional?
I'm saying that even italians take a break now and again
My son is dead. I'm grieving
So am I, but no one would ever know it with your incessant caterwauling
Bree!
People want to know how I'm doing, but the minute they ask you you jump into the spotlight and they forget all about me I need consoling, too, phyllis Have you ever thought of that?
I'm sorry It won't happen again
Thank you
Of course, if you didn't constantly suppress your emotions people wouldn't forget to console you
Excuse me?
Well, it's true You're stoic to the point of being cold
I am not cold. I just--well I don't like public displays of emotion
Well, that's fine, but people wonder why they haven't seen you cry I mean, some people actually wonder if you truly mourn rex
People have said that?
A few, yes.
Excuse me I'm looking for rita rivera.
Hi, are you rita?
Yeah, who are you?
I'm, uh, I'm gabrielle solis Our--our husbands are roommates at the prison
Richie and I aren't married
Oh, I see. Well, uh, your boyfriend asked my husband to give this to you It's a sort of favor It's all there. $7,000
Son of a bitch!
Oh, don't even think about it
Uh, hello is there a problem? -
Let me ask you a question? -
Okay
This might seem kind of weird but what do you think of my breasts?
Excuse me?
I mean, how do they look to you?
They're--they're nice
Thank you. I like them too
You're right. That was weird
You have no idea what this money is for, do you?
No. No. You--you seem to have everything you need
Richie wants me to get a boob job He wants 'em bigger He's obsessed with huge breasts
So are you gonna do it?
I told him if he came up with the cash, I would I just never thought the moron would actually come up with it
Not that it's any of my business but it's your body I wouldn't change anything unless I really wanted to
But if I don't do it, he'll leave me
Honey, he's in jail. How far is he gonna go? Maybe it's time you stood up for yourself Tell him you don't need the surgery
It's worth a shot
There you go. I am so proud of you
When lynette went back to work, she was aware her new job would be demanding What she hadn't anticipated was the night shift
Hey, honey, I thought I heard you come in about an hour ago
I did. I had to load the dishwasher
You didn't have to do that
Yeah, I sorta did
I'm sorry. I've just fallen behind on my housework I just had so many errands to run today But I'll make up for it tomorrow, okay? I promise That's the beauty of my system--it's flexible
You know, for the sake of our marriage please don't mention the system again
I said I'm sorry
What in the world?
No, no, don't touch that Don't touch that Um, penny had a little spitty-uppy on the sheets
And you didn't change them?
The towel is very clean
Oh, that's disgusting
No, it's just a little spit a little milky spit upon the sheets Please, I made a judgment call Please respect that
No, I can't respect that and do you know why? It's stupid I'm gonna get new sheets
We are not changing the sheets
Why are you yelling at me?
I am not yelling at you and this is not about spit up
Of course it is
No, it isn't. It's about control And as you and I both know you have some issues in this area
Why are you fighting so hard to sleep on baby vomit?
I am fighting for a principle.
Being too lazy to change the sheets is not a principle
You know what? You're not gonna win this one So you'd better just crawl back into bed and let's go to sleep
No, tom! Tom, no! I'm gonna change the sheets!
Oh, come on!
No, you come on! Just get up! Get up!
That's it!
All right, fine! Fine! Fine! Fine!
Normally lynette would have spent a sleepless night telling herself she didn't have control issues but she couldn't
She was too busy figuring out how to bend tom to her will
hello? Hi
Welcome to the promised land Go on. There Good job!
Betty? Betty? Oh, Betty, can I ask you a question?
Of course. It's susan, right?
Yes, hi. I was just wondering, are you having some remodeling done on your house or something?
No. Why?
Well, I work at home so I'm home a lot working And I just keep hearing these noises lately it's hard to concentrate
Well, I haven't noticed anything.
Really? It sounds like it's coming from your house. You know it's like a clanging--clanging there! There that was it. Did you hear it?
Oh, yes Matthew's very handy He's always doing projects around the house I guess I just don't notice the noise anymore
Even at 2:00 in the morning? Cause that's kind of hard to miss
I'm so sorry Matthew is something of an insomniac, susan But I will talk to him and we'll put a stop to it
Afternoon, Mrs. Mayer
Hi, matthew
Well, it was nice chatting with you, susan
This is my third phone call, mr. Flannery And if someone doesn't call me back soon I'm going to be irritated
Is everything all right?
That darn insurance company is dragging its heels on paying rex's policy and I don't understand why
Well, he died unexpectedly And that brings up a lot of questions It's probably easier when people are just diseased
Probably
Hi -
Hi -
Oh, hi, lynette
I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?
No,no, not at all
I saw you walk in and I've been meaning to call since the service but work's been so crazy so how are you doing?
I'm all right
Well, you look amazing
Do I?
Absolutely
Well, I can't imagine what you're going through
Phyllis? You're going to have to stop that
I can't help it When people talk about rex I-II just get emotional
Well, I'm very sorry for your loss, too, phyllis
He was my firstborn I don't know what I will do without him
Oh, I'm so sorry
is she gonna be okay?
yeah. Sure. Hold on a second
there we go. Feel better?
Lynette, you were saying?
I forgot
That's all right It was really sweet of you to stop by
Okay
So, are we ready to order or do you need a little more time?
I've been in the insurance industry for 15 years I've never received a phone call like this
I'm having second thoughts about rex's death I've known rex and bree for nearly 20 years And I've never had any reason to suspect they were anything but a happy, loving couple, which is why this seems so strange I found it in rex's room after he coded
"I forgive you"?
George, what are you doing here?
I'm here to kidnap you
What?
Get your purse I'm gonna take you bowling
I-I don't know how to bowl
Or to the movies or for a frozen yogurt Whatever you want
Thank you, but I just couldn't
Ah, bree, I'm sure you haven' t gone anywhere in weeks You gotta get out and do things. It'll help. Trust me
I do. I'm just.. I'm just not ready yet But it was very sweet of you to think of me Well, you know, I tried
And I appreciate that
It's all right Let it out
You want me to die in here, don't you?
Carlos, what happened? What do you mean "what happened?" You talked rita out of taking the money
Is that what richie said?
Yeah, the subject came up in between kidney punches
Well, it's not my fault She didn't want the money
Why wouldn't she want $7,000?
Because it's for a boob job -
So? -
So her boobs are fine And, honestly, what he's doing to her self-esteem is just cruel I feel sorry for her
Please, you don't care about herself-esteem any more than I do You just didn't want to give up all that money
Well, I do think it's silly to give someone $7,000 if they don't want it
Listen to me you're gonna go back there you're gonna put that money in rita's hands and you're gonna convince her that life is not worth living unless she has jugs the size of texas Do I make myself clear?
I just realized rita and I have a lot in common
Please don't tell me you have low self-esteem cause if I laugh now I'm gonna crack the one good rib that I have left
We are both controlled by our husbands which is idiotic because they're both behind bars We should have all the power
I am not trying to control you I just don't wanna end up in the morgue
This isn't about that
Gabrielle, the morphine's wearing off I really don't have time for these games
Me either, carlos And if you expect me to go back and sweet talk her into getting the operation I can't show up empty-handed
Fine, bring me the checkbook I'll make out a check for some cash
See I was thinking I'd be writing the checks
Gabrielle--
Careful, carlos you're not in a position to argue
Whoo-hoo! Susan!
Hey, edie -
So, How much do you hate me? -
What?
Oh, karl said that you know all about our dirty little secret -
Yes, yes, I do -
Well, I feel awful I should have told you that I was doing your ex
Well, it would've been the classy thing to do
Well, etiquette is a lost art for a lot of people
You've gotta believe me, I never ever thought anything would happen with us But on our first date karl took me to a mexican restaurant You know what I get like when I drink tequila A couple of shooters and my bra unhooks itself Circumstances beyond your control I get it. So if you'll excuse me
Hey. Hey, hey I am offering you an opportunity here I mean, go ahead--vent Let me have it Come on, tell me what a bitch I am Yeah, for snacking on your leftovers I deserve it. Come on, bring it on
Honestly, edie, I don't mind You can skate off into the sunset with karl Be my guest
Well, that's good to know. Yeah, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but while we were in my jacuzzi last night karl said it was the best sex he's ever had bar none Actually, I'm glad that you shared that because here's a tidbit for you Karl said he's still in love with me
Edie, what are you doing?
You are a lying liar
We're in the middle of the street Would you get out of here?
Karl never said that
Okay, karl asked me to get back together the day after julie's birthday I said no which I'm guessing is the reason for the now legendary tequila bra-popping incident Please let go
Oh, no. We're not finished here
Well, yes, we are. I'm gonna go
You don't have the guts
In five seconds, I'm gonna punch it
Yeah? I'll key your car!
Not if you're sucking my exhaust, you won't
Take back what you said!
No, I won't!
Admit it, you'd do anything to destroy my happiness!
Edie, for god's sake Why would I care if you end up with a man I despise?
Cause you and mike are finished Yeah, word's out And now that you can't be happy you don't want anyone else to be, period
Edie, come back here! We're not finished yet!
It was an accident, Karl. Edie knows it was an accident, right?
She knows you could've killed her. As it is, she's got a shattered tibia.
Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. I sent roses. Did she get the roses?
Yep. She cut herself on the thorns.
Oh, my god.
Why'd you tell Edie about our little conversation?
Well, she was gloating about sleeping with you, and I just wanted to shut her up.
Oh,
So you were jealous?
No! no. It's just...we were married. And she's trying to make this tawdry little affair you guys have going on par with that. It's just....I got mad.
Susan, you remember the morning you saw me with Edie's paper? Well, the night before, I had asked her if she'd like to live together. And she said, yes.
Susan.
Just give me a moment. I'm asking God to kill me.
Oh, look, she...she's fun, she goes with the flow. You know, at this time in my life, I need that.
Are you...in love with her?
Would you care if I were?
I want you to be happy. I even sort of want Edie to be happy.
But what?
I wanna be happy first. Mike and I were supposed to move in together, you know? This was supposed to be my time.
I heard you and the plumber were having problems. Is it over?
I don't know. It's really complicated. So, you never answered my question. Are you in love with her?
I don't know. But I can promise you this much. I have never loved another woman the way I loved you.
You walked out on me.
Yeah, but look how far I got. I'm just up the street.
Mommy, Mommy! Thank God you're home!
Hey, sweet pea. Why? What's wrong?
Daddy found a rat!
Oh, Did he now?
Honey.....I'm home.
Hey, babe.
Hey.
Hi. How was your day?
It was good. But more importantly, how was yours?
Parker told you about the rat, huh?
Yep.
Oh, my God. It was so disgusting. I came down the steps and there it was, sitting on the counter, eating a leftover grilled cheese sandwich.
The sandwiches from yesterday?
OK, yes. The house has been too messy. Obviously, my system has some kinks in it. But check it out, I got my act together.
Wow! So I take it you took the rat outside?
Oh, no. I smashed it with a shovel.
You killed it?
Not with the first blow. Disgusting.
Hey... little guy I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about what happened......with the shovel. Neither one of us saw that coming. I know it's not much consolation, but you really helped my marriage. That's a lot for a little rat to accomplish in one lifetime. Well, it's getting late, so......hats off to you.
So, you'd say the abuse started a few years into your marriage?
It started so slowly, I didn't realize what was happening. I mean, He'd slap me over some little problem. But he'd always apologize. Then it got worse. And one day, eight years ago, my son spilled soda on our new carpet. Before I could move to protect him, Virgil had knocked him on the ground and began kicking him.
I went to protect my baby, but I didn't get there in time.
What happened to your son?
Well, he died. I came across one of his baby pictures last weekend. That's when
the nightmares started again. The last doctor I saw said that I needed to let go of my guilt, and then I would start sleeping again. Of course, that's easier said than done. And I am getting so tired.
I'm gonna start you on nitrazepam. That should do the trick.
Thank you.
I certainly hope your husband was punished for what he did.
Oh, There was retribution. I made sure of that.
Where are you off to?
I'm going to see Rex's lawyer. We're gonna go over some details involving Rex's will. Phyllis. Obviously, I am just mortified over slapping you. I've just been in a...
...weird place since Rex's death, but that's no excuse. I'm very, very sorry.
No need to apologize. You're family. All is forgiven.
Really?
It's been a difficult time for all of us. I totally understand. Now go. You don't want to be late for your meeting about Rex's will.
Claims, this is Joe Flannery.
Hello. Could I speak to someone about the death benefits for Rex Van De Kamp, please? This is his mother.
Yes, we've already spoken to his wife several times. We are moving as quickly as we can.
Are you aware that my daughter-in-law has a boyfriend?
I'm listening.
Control. It's extraordinary, the tactics people employ to obtain it.
Some rely on deception...
...while others engage in outright trickery.
Then there are those who resort to extortion.
Why do we fight so hard for control?
Because we know to lose it is to put our fate in the hands of others.
And what could be more dangerous?
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